Forget A is for Apple!
by Eadlin
Summary: Forget A is for Apple as we have learnt the alphabet!InuTaisho WAS serious about those lessons......oh great......
1. Chapter 1

**Forget A is for apple!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, I wish I did but it isn't going to happen.**

Flames are more than welcome.

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For some reason unknown to our favourite hanyou Kagome had dragged him back to her time. He had been grabbed by the collar of his hoari and dragged down the well by the young miko the second she had finished talking to Miroku and Sango. When he had bothered to listen to their conversation he had heard something about the alphabet.

He was currently sitting with his legs crossed opposite Kagome in her bedroom, he watched as she fumbled with some cards, Kagome left the room to answer the phone leaving Inuyasha in the room alone, a BIG mistake. He looked down to the cards to find they had letters on them, with a confused frown he looked down at the box the cards were in, the box had the words " Easy peasy alphabet! Learn the alphabet with these fun cards! For ages three to four". Now he was ticked off! He knew the alphabet damn it! He'd show Kagome and everyone else! He'd do the alphabet his style! Grabbing a piece of paper and a pen he started he went to work.

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Inuyasha stopped to read his work shown below:

A-is for annoying because everyone around me is so god damn annoying, the gross monk, that little brat Shippo…god I should just kill them all!

B- is for…damn I can't put what I'd like to put but I'll give you a hint: it's a word that describes Kouga, Naraku and other people I hate…..so B is for beast, because I'm such a hot beast. I think fangirls will definatley agree with me.

C-is for cash, got any?

D- I for damn a wonderful word that describes pain, disappointment and anger and sometimes good things. Damn I'm good at this!

E- is for evil :points to Naraku: die!

F-is for fabulous because I'm freaking fabulous.

G-is for god because I am a god bow down to me or die!

H- is for hoari……I couldn't think of anything else due to the emotional scarring of Kagome's sitting.

I-is for ignorant because that piece of wolf junk Kouga is ignorant to the fact that Kagome is MY woman damn it!

J-is for jam. I was introduced to this delicious "jam" when rooting for ramen in Kagome's house…mmmmm…….it made my hands sticky though and I soon found out wiping it on my haori wasn't a good idea It gets everywhere! Kind of like that piece of wolf junk Kouga god only knows what diseases he carries…..

K-is for a lot of people like that freaky Kanna and Kagura…and Kagome…..And my ex-girlfriend Kikyo who is obsessed with me, damn clay pot…….oh and Kouga …..You should be grateful I was nice enough to mention you in this you piece of junk!

L-is for….LIQUOR:D yeah……

M-is for majestic, a word that describes me very well :D

N-is for ningens, man they are annoying…

O-is for osuwari, it freaking hurts! curse Kaede!

P- is for perfect because I am perfect

Q- is for quiet….I'm hardly ever quiet….that's why I kick butt! I make my feelings known to the world it's how I express myself :D

R-is for ramen, no one comes between me and my ramen! For it is written in the ten commandments of Inuyasha "thou shall not touch ramen for it belongs to your god Inuyasha!"

S-is for Sesshoumaru, my half brother, You'd think after I chopped off his left arm he'd see my point, said point being I'm never handing over the Tessaiga to him….(A/N:Sesshoumaru is one of my favourite characters so any Sesshoumaru fan that says I'm a Sesshy-basher obviously hasn't read this)

T-is for Tessaiga and the ten commandments of Inuyasha!

U- is for unsocial….my therapist said I had issues before I killed him…..

V-is for….very…….you could say I'm very whatever about a lot of things I guess….

W-is for witch, the old hag is one for making this damn rosary and Kikyo is one for trying to take me to hell with her all the time!

X- is for xtreme no wait that's cheating coz it has an E at the beginning but I make my own rules that's another commandment to add "Inuyasha makes his own rules and you must follow them" but that would be 11 commandments when there are only supposed to be ten…..

Y- y is for yuck….that's what I think of Naraku…..GET A NEW WARDROBE RAFIKI WANNA-BE! And yes I did watch the lion king if you must know…..what? I was bored!

Z-is for Zoids, Kagome keeps telling me to stop watching it but I wont!

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Kagome stepped in just as Inuyasha finished his master piece, after reading it Inuyasha suffered the consequences……he's still lying in the crater outside now……


	2. Chapter 2

**Forget A is for apple!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha……it hurts to say OR write that….**

**Tigerkougra: I haven't been on in a while and I've updated my other fics rather quick, so I soon found myself with nothing to do.This fic was originally going to be a one shot but I thought "what the heck?" and did a chappie for Sesshy :D Thank you to all who reviewed the last chapter.**

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Sesshoumaru looked around the grand finely decorated room of his palace, he sighed in frustration and boredom, Jaken was teaching Rin the alphabet but it was not going well.

"Okay Rin again! S- is for…" the imp toad thing said in his annoying voice,

"Sesshoumaru-sama?" Rin replied, "No you stupid girl! look at the card! Does the great Youkai lord look like a snake to you?"

"N-no…" Rin whimpered, her eyes brimming with tears, that was it! Sesshoumaru had had it with that annoying vile creature! Sesshoumaru got up and strode across the room, he stopped in front of the baka that was the cause of his annoyance and towered over the quivering creature all the while giving one of his "I-am-Sesshoumaru-Great-Youkai-Lord-Of-The-Western-Lands-and-you-will-die" glares.

Then in the blink of an eye Jaken was outside the room and curled up into a ball of agony with the door being slammed in his face.

After slamming the door Sesshoumaru gently picked up Rin and set her down on a cushion. Then he strode over to a desk and opened a draw in it, he grabbed a paper and pen, sat down in the chair to the desk and motioned for Rin to come over to him. Once she came he picked her up again and set her in his lap.

He waited for her to get comfortable and then began to write.

A-is for annoying, because the pathetic toad is annoying as well as my half-breed brother, his wench, the perverted monk, the demon slayer, and the little fox and the cat demon who travel with them. And yes I do pay attention to the pathetic fools my half-breed brother travels with, well sometimes. They could be useful in getting the Tessaiga.

B-Is for…well I couldn't put what I want to put since Rin is reading this but I'll give you a clue: it's an insult directed at the half-breed.

C-is for calm and collected, both of which I am.

D-Is for d-.. Oh yes.. Once again I cannot put what I would like to put so will put destructive, again something which I am, also for **Dokkasou aka my flowering poison claw :smirks: want a demonstration?**

E- Is for enemy because my half-breed brother is my enemy… also for envy…he should be envious of me…:smirks:

F- Is for those annoying f- oops…..f is for fearsome because I am the most fearsome demon in the region…

G-Is for gentle because Rin is gentle :D

H- Is for handsome, because I, this Sesshoumaru am very handsome now back off fangirls Rin is in the room…you can see my six-pack later…mind you It's more than just a six-pack…..:grins:..its also for Hentai just like that monk but Rin is not to read this comment on the monk….

I- Is for Inu-baka, no explanation needed there…..or Inu-ba-oops as you can guess I was not going to put "baka" there…..that half-breed should be honoured I'm even mentioning him in my royal alphabet…also for InuTaiYoukai just like me:D

J- Is for…..i have a word but once again I cannot writeit here…

K- Is for Kitsune…..since I couldn't think of an insult to put here…

L- Is for…..no-I must not put it!...okay- L is for Love because I love Rin…and for all you people with your minds in the gutter clean up or die by my poison you fools!

M-Is for moron just like my half-breed brother….again another insult that suits him….

N-Is for ningens….all of them disgust me except Rin…Rin is special

O-Is for….damn…if you have an idea give me a note pathetic ningen reader!

P- Is for pathetic you know who this is directed at s don't look at me like that fools…

Q- Is for quiet because it's finally quiet now that that annoying fool Jaken is not here..

R- Is for Rin-chan!

S- is for yours truly :Wink: not just my name either but a word that describes me: sexy! Oops…best rub this out so Rin does not see….

T- Is for trash, again another insult directed at you-know-who…

U- Is for uncouth :D you know who again….

V- Is for vicious since I'm so vicious..

W-Is for "wow" you know you fangirls say it every time you see me!

X-is for…….tch I can't be bothered writing a word so intelligent that none of you fools will understand :glares:….

Y- Is for Youkai since I am a Youkai…

Z- Same explanation for x :glares:

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When he was finished and he had taught it to Rin, Sesshoumaru took her outside so she could play and once they bumped into Inuyasha and co Sesshoumaru couldn't help but smirk with pride as Rin gleefully recited EVERYTHING he had put on that paper.

The Inuyasha-Gumi felt as if they could of rolled over and died after Rin had finished reciting Sesshoumaru's version of the alphabet.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: the disclaimer is none existent….I hate them…oh wait…I could get a law suit…although I don't know what for 0.0; ok so I don't own Inuyasha…I do own a goldfish that believes it's a shark and tries to bite you if you put your finger anywhere near the tank….**

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**Inu daddy has his say….oh god…if his sons were that bad then it's going to be hell listening to who spawned them…..:takes out a bottle of vodka: I'm going toneed this…..**

By some divine miracle or because of someone's wish to torture us, the famous Inu No Taisho (InuTaisho ,Inu-papa, fluffy's papa, Inu-daddy, the dude who is the reason we are blessed with that cool demon Sessh and Inuyasha of the lovely vocabulary…..you get the picture…) has learned of our current scheme of re-doing the alphabet and came all the from where ever it is dead demon lords go just to screw up the rhyme of the alphabet we all know and hate…here we go….

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A-Is for uh……arsenic?...I sometimes used that to get rid of lords I didn't like if I was to lazy to get up and use my swords :grins happily:

B-Is for….I'll give you a clue: the words aren't very nice and there is too many so I'll just put baka….or buta…..yum…pig…..I'm hungry…:pouts:

C-Is for cats…me no like cats….:pouts and grins stupidly:

D- Is for denial…..I tried to deny I had to deal with two wives and two demon children….hey wait I'm a demon…..

E- Is for energetic……I found out Sessh was energetic when he couldn't get what he wanted..like the swords :growls: I should have got neutered when I had the chance….

F- well you see f is the first letter of a word that I'm very fond of and that word is…………………………………………………………FIRE! Seriously! You wouldn't think I would curse now would you:blinks innocently then sighs at all the nods he receives :you're right I would but the authoress said that if I do she won't find me a wife that: would take a load of junk off of me, wasn't picky, 100 percent obedient and best of all no nagging or Pm- OW! Damn other wives….that hurt…what? oh no honey! babycakes! I wasn't talking about either you you honest :technical difficulties sign comes on as Inu-Taisho is beaten to death by two angry females…sucker…:

G- is for gangsta! I was a gangsta back in my day! Even though if I was still alive I would be still young…I was also a pimp :grins then sighs at unbelieving audience: I had two wives damn it! That should prove my point!

H-…..uh…don't know…I have a short attention span….. Does that count for something?

Is for Inu-Taisho! meeeeeeeeeee! It's all about meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :gulps at glares sent his way: ok how about Inuyasha? My favourite son! The only brat that didn't complain or tried to kill me for some swords! Not that he could since he was a baby…oh yeah! I never paid child support…:shrugs: oh well sorry 'bout that Iyazoi but no hard feelings or need to beat me to a pulp….

J-is for jack- :THWACK: ow! Anyway Ryuukotessei is one and if I spelt that wrong I'm not stupid! I meant to do it because I hate him so there :pouts: I'm not stupid…and now I must ask you an importat question….:puppy eyes and pout: do I have many fangirls that worship me as there god?...:pouts with puppy eyes even bigger: Sessh and Inu do and I taught them how to be the ultimate pimps!

Look I have a chart on how many girls they have!

Sessh: Sara and that kawaii Rin…I might steal Rin…she's soooooooooo cute! (as a daughter of course im only a perv on full grown women! Plus Rin will be easy to raise she doesn't complain much :grins:)

Inu:Kagome and Kikyo…he plays 'em both pretty well! Almost to well!

Now some advice to my sons: Boys if you are reading this NEVER get married wives demand 100 commitment and demand just in general! IN FACT WOMEN DEMAND TOO MUCH FULL STOP!

K-I don't know what its for. If you have an idea give me a note! Oh wait…kuso! yay!

L- is for lust….i get two women lusting after me….i can't help it I'm like a strong sensual magnet to 'em……I hope I have fangirls that lust after me…then I can marry them all and become like one of those pharaohs with many wives to worship me….i even lust after myself sometimes! YES! I'M SUCH A SEXY BEAST!

M- is for marriage….i know aaaalllll about it :grins stupidly: I'm probably the worlds worst husband….yay! I'm a playa! I can't help it though….to think that my sons have more fics about each of them and I have like 50 or something….i didn't count….i can only go past 10 before I lose interest….i have the attention span of a 5 yr old I demand that authors focus on meeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I look in the mirror and I see this sexy, handsome dog demon lord! If it wasn't for me Sessh and Inu wouldn't be here! Show some respect I'm not even old well okay maybe 700….but I'm young and sexy and…and…. there with my lovely hair (rhyme!) and my golden eyes and…I have 1 stripe on each cheek! Only I can boast having that and looking sexy! Well…Inu can too when he goes full youkai on someone's ….but I had it first! Plus only me and Rurouni Kenshin can pull having long hair permanently in a ponytail showing our pretty faces! Oh yeah and that Ray (Rei) dude from Beyblade…and me and Ken and Ray put our hair up in cool hair ties! GIVE ME FANGIRLS DAMN IT!

N- is for……nice? No..Wait NANDOS! I love their food :drools:

O- is for original I WAS THE ORIGINAL SEXY YOUKAI THAT SPAWNED TWO SEXY SONS DAMMIT!IM SEXY TOO!I'M NOT APPRECIATED :sobs: at least I would let my fan girls call me fluffy unlike Sessh! I have two fluffies! TWO FLUFFY THINGS…….oh wait they are tails….

P- Is for PI- OW! Damn it ABUSE! It describes me right now anyways seeing as though I can't say it….

Q- Is for…….quack…..0.0

R- Is for responsibility. Something which I believed I possessed until I got the second son…..it was bad enough Sessh was mine…..:gulps at glares sent by wives:

S- Is for SEXY!THATS MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

T- Is for Taishie….my fans can call me that if they want :smiles: and nods happy/maniac like…don't be alarmed its normal…:

U- Is for under aged….as in Iyazoi was under aged for anything but I still married :grins:

V-Is for…VODKA!

W- Is for women….my favourite subject!

X- Is for…..crud I don't know…oh yeah! The X-Factor! I got it! I got it good baby!

Y- Is for yes! I can get people screaming it just by being there :grins: and other things…I know…I'm such a pervert…..I'm sure none of you had your minds in the gutter though :smiles and winks:

Z- Is for….i really don't know this time….

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Inu-Taisho still demands more fans and I suggest you comply, he won't leave me the hell alone and he's starting to creep me out.


	4. Intensive care unit InuTaisho

**Intensive Care Unit InuTaisho…..**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Inuyasha and yet, sadly I still hear voices in my head…..

**Tigerkougra: I thought I would devote this chapter to how InuTaisho dealt with the beating he got after the last chapter…..**

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Inu-Taisho smiled grimly, he looked at the annoying machine beside him, for god's sake it wouldn't stop beeping! He didn't need to be constantly reminded that he had been beaten up by both his wives once again for A: being his perverted self and B: not paying child support for his youngest son. Well excuse him! He was dead for a few years! So what? And he was a DOG demon! Dogs don't stick with just one mate! He had needs! NEEDS...well actually he was just a "ho" as those humans said……apparently it was the same as a whore…..it's all good…..besides, he was a player!

He was currently in an intensive care unit in a hospital; his injuries had healed hours ago except for the black eye that just wouldn't disappear. He pouted, now his pretty face was ruined! And what a pretty face it is……..so a black eye doesn't really make much difference….All readers may now have a few minutes to drool over his pictures on image search. Done? Okay!

Well, when he got out of here there was going to be some changes. Major changes. First of all, as Lord of the Western lands he was personally going to encourage the taking of humans as mates. (Iyazoi had caused him fewer injuries, she was also a lot more submissive In other words; headaches caused by her didn't last as long….) Oh no, wait, he had forgotten, he was no longer the Lord……..time to kick out a disobedient, evil and REALLY powerful son. No biggie, he'd just have to learn how to re-grow limbs and major organs after Sesshoumaru was through with him. It was possible, right? Well then, if it wasn't, he'd change the rules on that too! Which led him to another great solution; Inuyasha was definatley inheriting EVERYTHING if Sesshoumaru came back to kill him.

His first wife would then be paid a large sum of money to kindly screw off. Hmmmm…..no….that wouldn't go down so well with her, plus she was good looking…….she could stay. He decided that he would also be featured in more episodes, in fact the whole series in both anime and manga form would now be dedicated to him! The name would also be changed to "Inu-Taisho" and he would be the hero saving countless villages and cute looking damsels in distress! Actually, that was stealing Inuyasha's glory. So, they would start a new series just form him and make hundreds of volumes of manga!

He was snapped out of his plotting by a nurse bringing in food. A very lovely nurse. He shrugged, what was the rush to get out of here?

"Inu-Taisho sir, I see you are looking better! Well then, perhaps you will be able to feed yourself?" The nurse beamed at him as she spoke with a gentle voice. Inu-Taisho pouted and cocked his head to the right "But I can't! They got me really bad and it hurts SO much to move…." A crocodile tear rolled down his cheek as his lips went into a full out pout. "Awwwww! Here let me help!" He positively beamed inside as the nurse bent down to spoon feed him, she bent down alright! To provide him with a pretty good view!

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The nurse had left now, and he was left alone to listen to the cursed beeping of those damn machines…..He caught a flash of something out of the corner of his eye, he moved only to have his bed upturned. Thank the gods above that he was wearing his normal clothes; otherwise this would have been cold and unpleasant. He looked up to see his eldest son in his entire emotionless glory, said son nodded towards the door and when he looked there he saw his youngest. Inuyasha wore a similar expression to that of his brother. "I'm in trouble now, aren't I?"

Sesshoumaru responded to his father's question in monotone. "Although they are angry with you, your wives wish you back at the palace alive, immediately." Inu-Taisho gaped at his eldest in amazement. "Father?" "Yes Inuyasha? You know, I think that's the most I've ever heard your brother say!" Inuyasha helped him to his feet and as they were leaving, Sesshoumaru conveniently lashed out his poison whip at his father by "accident"

"Father?"

"Yes Sesshoumaru?"

"One sibling is enough, especially a hanyou at that, stop gaping at that human's behind."

"I think I know your problem Sesshoumaru."

"Oh?"

"You need lessons from your old man. Both of you do."

Inu-Taisho suffered for that comment, and is sadly still with us, our thoughts go out to his friends and family at this difficult time.


	5. I know by that tone that

**I know by that tone that….I'm in trouble now…**

**Inu-Taisho: Dear readers, whilst I'm glad you like the story…..I'm disgusted I have: no fan girls and people INDULGING in MY suffering…**

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That look Iyazoi was giving him promised many things: pain, pain, death, more death and pain. He understood. Oh he understood, perfectly. He wasn't going to die; he was going to SUFFER….. The ex-Lord of The Western Lands ran at this point. Now about those lessons he promised his boys….Yes he was frigging serious!

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"Sesshoumaru, we'll start with you! You look good enough to attract a woman but you have no feelings; you are a heartless little bugger and I hope you're happy with the pain you caused me in training lessons! And you had the audacity to be ungrateful when you received Tenseiga! I gave it you on PURPOSE! So you couldn't go on a grand killing spree and destroy your brother! And then what do you do? Pull a god damn pearl out of his EYE! Nice Sesshoumaru! Way to try and ruin your brother's sex appeal! You know I KNEW you were the one child I should have killed at birth…." This was the loving speech Inu-Taisho gave to his eldest….it was SO special…..I think I'll weep until I flood the room with tears……

"Father, I thought we had, or rather you promised under pain of me taking you back to the castle, that you would not give me a headache with your pathetic babbling…." Was the oh-so-loving-and-concerned reply Sesshoumaru handed out, he knew better than to insult his father…..he'd just break his nose…yes….and many other bones in his body….over and over again as that human song said. Hell, the song even gave a clue to what his father would save after he was mutilated by him; "it hurts so bad…"

"Sorry Sesshoumaru…just one question though….DON'T WALK AWAY I'M LONELY! YAY! Alright; I just HAVE to ask this: why are you so feminine? Seriously, son, couldn't you have come out without those markings on your eyelids? It looks like EYESHADOW!" Oh god…..his father had opened his trap…AGAIN…. "And how would YOU know about eye shadow father?"…….. "No reason…..just experiments with a few women…….yeah…good experiments…" Was that DROOL coming out of his father's mouth?

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**Tigerkougra:** sorry about the short chapter….I've decided to do the lessons separate instead of cramming it together, anyway I hope you enjoyed it.


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